To create a fold that a child can play with out of a simple notebook, means to create a positive mood to encourage a person to jump out of the dark dark world. My dark world this week includes going to visit a lawyer to finalize a divorce with Joe. I just started a phone call in tears to a close friend after I thought I had a good 10 minutes before I would fall into tears. A friend’s sister in law had a baby that died after 5 days so we talked. And I’m a little quivering right now. I can imagine the boredom that a child might feel but as I was giving myself an *low* expectation day at the local air conditioned Eat N Park, I saw a family with 4 kids. I had talked with my dad about the divorce. And I was facing the last lone bowl of soup alone after we finished our talk over the phone. I wondered to myself what if…? What if in this case was followed by a frenzied tearing of paper and making origami frogs for each child. I even made the basic folds so that they could practice their imagination on how to make it.
I gave it to the family and the kids were amazed.
One peice of paper and I had 4 kids amazed. I left and returned for a possible lost library book that turned out to be in my car. And one of the girls saw me and her eyes were sparkling and she smiled. “Hi” she said. “Hi, I’m Jane” I said back. We talked about princess doodles and bear sketches. She was still glowing when I left. Yep even though it hasn’t made me a million dollars. I can leave wonder in the heart of a child even in the moment that I am demolishing my old life.
It was today that I visited the lawyer. It was today that the lawyer told me that most *ahem* never in his personal experience has a divorced gone through non contested. Joe and I have made an agreement. I hope that we might be the first to stick through to finalized our divorce.
I hope the magic of today touches my choas and ever so gently says “Breathe and love myself.” It’s going to be rocky for a little bit. There will be times that I swear that my book is in my purse only to find it on the front seat of my car. It will take practice to gently pay my bills not knee jerk them out. There will be peace again. (I hope)